Addiction: My Drug of Choice
I’m an individual who lives with depression. It took a tremendous amount of work and effort to crawl out of it and get to a point where it’s manageable and I stay on top of it. I’m elated to say that I’m in an entirely different mindset today than when I was at my lowest and battling addiction and depression.
When it was bad, I could sit in a room full of my favorite people doing something I know I'm supposed to enjoy but I feel nothing. My actions were actually reactions to social cues- laughing when I was supposed to but never feeling the joy. It's a combination of numbness and nausea.
For me, food suppressed the nausea and brought a sense of elation and happiness for those few moments. It's easy to see how this addiction started. Drugs are too expensive and I find them a little scary- not for me. Alcohol makes me sick so that's out too. But food...what a great option! It's readily available, it's legal, and it's socially acceptable. I did't discriminate. Sweets, pastries, pastas, spicy, saucy, salty. I'm welcoming to any and all.
I’m sharing this small drop of my continuous journey to continue to open up dialog around mental illnesses. I want others in this position to know they’re not alone regardless of what substance they’re using to find feeling again.
I also want someone who has never experienced anything like this before to get a peek at what many MANY others go through. Bless you if you’ve never experienced any form of mental illness, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Perhaps after reading this you’ll be able to see things from a new perspective.
If you’re looking for support, NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness is a fantastic organization offering support to those living with mental illness and to their loved ones, with a variety of free resources.
I have a tremendous amount of respect and compassion for each and every one of you each step of your journey. Sending loving energy and appreciation your way!